You, Your Teenager, and THEIR Sex Life

So I was browsing Hubpages questions section which I really love to do, when one really kept my attention. I already answered the question, along with many other people, to the best of my ability but I keep thinking about it so I thought why not write an article about it?

The question was a long the lines of a mom asking if she should punish her 17 year old daughter for having sexwith her long term boyfriend. I am not going to answer this question specifically here because I have already done that, but I am going to make a general guideline about what I think you should do when it comes to yourteens and their sex lives.

I will reference my own personal experience with this topic to give you a better understanding of why it stuck with me so much. I was always told that sex was out of the question when I was growing up, not until I was married anyway. That was literally all my mom ever said about it, until I was older and basically said "hey mom this is happening and you don't have control of it." My sister was always told the same thing also and now we have my beautiful baby niece Faith. 

Now my sister was the same age I am now (21) when she got pregnant and no it was not anyones fault or anything like that I certainly don't blame my mom. I have gotten along fine learning for myself, but I just can't help to wonder how thing would have been better if I didn't feel like my mom would disown me if she knew who I really was.  Where did all my mom's over barring parenting style get us?  I moved out, not exactly on the best terms.  There is a lot more that goes with all that, but we had a rocky period of time because I was just too afraid to tell my parents anything. 

Now I am gong to just be blatant and say that a lot of this will have a religiousconflict. IF you are religious and your main issue with your child having sex is that you want them to wait till marriage, you better get a grip. Teenagers are going to have sex no matter what you teach them.

Continuing on this point but diverting away from the religious topic, yes there is no way for you to stop your teenager from having sex if they want to. Even if you put all the restrictions on them in the world, watch them like a hawk, and are sure you just KNOW your precious little angle would never be caught dead doing the nasty! 

Would you stop having sex because your mom didn't approve? Do you really think that before a teenager is about to have sex they are even considering what their mom or dad has told them? Guess what, there are a million places teenagers have sex. Oh you thought it was OK to let them go to a after school function? Oh you thought since it was a walkathon for cancer there was no reason for them not to go? Well turns out because you never gave them a chance to be alone or understand why its gross, they are now having sex in the porta potty next to the football field. This is not a fake story, this is one of the million stories about people having sex wherever they can. That same person, had sex in that porta potty during school hours, so now are you going to home school your kid?

On top of that, what about protection? Are you relying on the schools to tell them about that also? The schools wait way too long if they even do at all to give out any kind of sexual education seminars. Usually that is only one time, ever. So if you don't tell them, or they don't take the time on their own to research it (usually when they are thinking they may need to buy a pregnancy test) the only information they know is what they have been told in one seminar.. and what everyone else has told them. You would not believe the crap that spreads around the school about sex. I had friends using plastic wrap because they didn't have condoms, and were afraid their parents would find them. Well you may not know this, and they didn't either obviously, but plastic wrap has tiny holes in it! You might as well not have used anything.

So getting to my point. I am not telling you to constantly sit down and lecture your teens about the practices of safe sex, they don't want that either. Just don't make sex a negative thing, That is all there is to it. If you treat it like a natural act that EVERYONE does, your worries will be cut in half. What would you rather do? Keep your kid under lock and key, but they are STILL having sex, but you just don't know where, with who, and if they are being safe? Now your child is isolated and is afraid to ask you for help if they need it for fear of punishment. OR you could let it be OK and educated them and KNOW you are not going to have that horrible conversation later.. mom.. I'm preg.. And you now have a healthy happy relationship with your kid.

Honesty and communication is what is important in any relationship, why would it be different for your kids. No I don't mean communication like you print out a list of talking points on how to talk to your kid about sex. I mean sit down and talk to them, like they are a person. Tell them what you worry about and what you are thinking, unedited and not thought out.

The only time I ever really listened to my parents was when they talked to me like they were real people. People who mess up just like everyone else, and to take it easy on you because you just want what they want, for them to be happy right?

Some REAL Tips on Being A Good, Genuine Boyfriend.

I don't know everything but I can start with my own experiences and opinions.

I like to use the suggested word link feature on hubpages I link as many different articles as possible. I don't really know if anyone clicks on them but I usually end up reading the persons entry if I link it to my page. I like adifferent range of posts and usually add it before I read it.

I don't really mind this post, it is called "Sweet Things To Say To Your Girlfriend" I saw the title and added it. The reason I still don't mind it that much now is because it is better then the usual hubs I am used to seeing. With vindictive titles about how to get back at your ex or cheat on your significant other. I don't like those at all so I would say I can't complain about this post.

I do really disagree with it though.

In his hub he says you should sharesweet things with the person you love. I agree that is all nice and everything but, when you keep reading it gives you these little phrases you should say to your girlfriend.

It mirrors the similar lingo they use on pet help blogs, "Remember your dog needs to know you love them, so make sure you praise them constantly and give them treats." BLAH! What woman wants to be talked to that way? If has worked in the passed for you I am guessing the woman didn't understand what she was missing.

Does this really work? Not in myexperience, not the ones you want to spend any kind of real time with anyway.

I noticed a couple comments that were left on the hub, giving examples of everyday phrases we have all heard a million times. "I was looking at the stars and I was pairing each one with a reason of why I love you but I ran out ofstars." OK so that is sweet. I understand it is the idea behind it, but really thats not much of an idea. That didn't take much work. How much work does it take to say you love someone? I can say it right now, I love you I love you I love you.

We are not your pets, and we are not as stupid or easy to swoon as you think. It is only easy if you are really in love. If you are really in love you don't need to look up these sweet little phrases. Just show her. Have sex with her. Girls want to feel wanted just as much as the next person.

In the post he suggest telling her hewants to take her on a romantic trip. Thats nice. Really that is all I think. I want to do lots of things what is your point? That is really sweet, if you tell her why and what you want to do. Otherwise how is thatpersonal? Why not actually take her somewhere instead. Or if you can't afford that, which I can completely understand, don't just mention this vague random trip you want to take them on. Make it specific to both of you, and say why, for example that you want to be alone with her.. whatever your reasons are. You know why you are with her and no one can sit here and give you a list of reasons why you love your significant other.

It is all about being genuine and about being honest. Don't mindlessly tell yourgirlfriend you think she is beautiful. whatever you feel about her looks say it. If you think she looks extra pretty at a moment say it then. Don't say it when you feel like you haven't said it in a while. Its better for you too, because now you are actually taking time to appreciate your relationship in an honest way.

Hey I am no expert on this stuff. Every girl is different, but in my experience I have seen girls complain that they felt like their boyfriend didn't want them sexually more then anything else. No matter how many times my female friends boyfriends told them how beautiful they were it wasn't enough. They wanted to feel wanted. If you want them, and they want to feel wanted, why not show them! Its not so complicated, girls aren't from another planet like a lot of people like to speculate, in fact that is the problem.

Woman are not as different from men as everyone thinks, and this type of thinking is part of the problem. When you approach a girl like she is an alien you are only going to say these mechanical phrases you have always been told girls want to hear. Men want there egos boosted, right? Well so do women, figure out how to do that and you are golden.

That is all I have for you now. If you want me to post your links in my hubs just write about a topic that is related to something iv written and ill add you at the bottom of my post. Its that easy :)

Dedicated to my perfect boyfriend TheJamesPope

All the Negative Effects of Birth Control No One Tells You About

Let me say before I launch into all of this that everything I say is from personal experience and from my own research.  So take what you want from this but it is going to be really personal and honest.

So you are wondering what kind of birth control will work best for you right?  I will just be the girl to say it, condoms suck!  Especially those cheap ones they dish out like candy on Halloween at planned parenthood.  I mean you can't feel anything and you worry it will break, its so uncomfortable.. do I really need to continue?

So whats next? Well usually girls go for the birth control pill.  Seems like a great idea, it will clear your acne, make your periods lighter, cramps lighter, and all you have to do is take this magic pill.  So I did that I went and got the pill and took it, well you have to take it at the same time every day, oh and with food, otherwise you will feel incredibly sick.  Oh and speaking of food, did I mention you will be eating a lot more of it now?  You know why? Because the pill makes you crazy hungry, and most girls end up gaining weight. 

So now you have to take the pill everyday at the same time, with food.. You are gaining weight, oh and your sex drive has changed.  Did the doctor warn you of any of this?  I remember talking to a woman who was a councilor for a nutrition business.  We were talking about birth control pills one day, I don't know why really, and she told me about how she lost her mind on the pill.  Apparently it made her flip out at her 5 year old son for telling her he was hungry.  She locked him in his room and then curled up in the fetal position and cried.  She had no idea why but she just wanted to cry all the time.

So a lot of you might know the pill and its drawbacks.  So do you come to the next thing I did? The depo shot?  I thought about it had a higher pregnancy prevention percentage,  Come to find out the only reason that it is considered any better then the pill is because most people forget to take it at the same time everyday.  If you do take it like you are supposed to it has the exact same amount of effectiveness.  The drawbacks on the shot are way worse really, you gain more weight, more mood swings, and even bleed for weeks.  I heard at least 4 accounts of people I know personally who got the shot and was told that their "spotting" all month was normal.  One of them had to spend 3 months straight wearing a pad.

That is not counting everything I have read about it online.  I mean is it worth it? The shot last for what 3 months?  I would be terrified after how I felt on the pill.

Now it to the worst one of all.  Nuvaring.  Let me just tell you about this thing that almost ruined my life.  So like I said I went through all of these options, I even had the printout they give you at planned parenthood.  It tells you all the different pros and cons of each birth control.  Well me thinking I was all smart made a good ration decision based on what they showed me to start on nuvaring.

Well that is when it started.  I wanted to die every single day, the depression was horrible.  I would fight with my boyfriend over every thing you could think of and cry constantly even if I had no reason.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong.  Finally one day my boyfriend suggested that maybe it was the nuvaring.  DUH.  The nuvaring is so convenient you don't even think about it.  It is a glow stick thing you stick inside you and forget about until 3 weeks later, take it out have your period.

Well did some much needed research.  Turns out all I saw were testimonies after testimonies of people saying things like, "YOU AREN'T CRAZY ITS THE RING!!!"  What a relief! It was until I kept reading.  So apparently it takes months for these hormones to leave your body.  I only had the ring in for a month and its been a while now and I still am not sure if I feel normal yet.  What a way to really mess with your body! They even trick you and say that because the ring is centralized closer to your uterus there is less of a conflict with your brain and emotions.  NO WAY. Nuvaring is a very high dose of hormones.  It will also make you gain weight and give you headaches.

Now there are some other methods out there, for example, Mirena but you usually have to have had a baby to get that. Also that is 5 years and I can only imagine the negative effects that would have on you.

The patch is about the same as the pill, but iv heard nothing but bad things about it, for example IT FALLS OFF! I mean some of these choices seem like jokes. Maybe I am being overly critical but until the constant "teen pregnancy" exploitation BS stops I wont stop. Everything I just said is the reason girls are getting pregnant. Birth control sucks! Yes there are other contributing factors to teen pregnancy but I know that iv bought myself and other scared girls pregnancy test for all of these reasons.

Now after saying all that, not everyone has these negative effects, blah blah blah. The thing is no one will even tell you about their possibility until its too late.

So what is the answer?  I really don't know.  I guess condoms for now huh.  Happy safe sex hunting :)