So I was browsing Hubpages questions section which I really love to do, when one really kept my attention. I already answered the question, along with many other people, to the best of my ability but I keep thinking about it so I thought why not write an article about it?
The question was a long the lines of a mom asking if she should punish her 17 year old daughter for having sexwith her long term boyfriend. I am not going to answer this question specifically here because I have already done that, but I am going to make a general guideline about what I think you should do when it comes to yourteens and their sex lives.
I will reference my own personal experience with this topic to give you a better understanding of why it stuck with me so much. I was always told that sex was out of the question when I was growing up, not until I was married anyway. That was literally all my mom ever said about it, until I was older and basically said "hey mom this is happening and you don't have control of it." My sister was always told the same thing also and now we have my beautiful baby niece Faith.
Now my sister was the same age I am now (21) when she got pregnant and no it was not anyones fault or anything like that I certainly don't blame my mom. I have gotten along fine learning for myself, but I just can't help to wonder how thing would have been better if I didn't feel like my mom would disown me if she knew who I really was. Where did all my mom's over barring parenting style get us? I moved out, not exactly on the best terms. There is a lot more that goes with all that, but we had a rocky period of time because I was just too afraid to tell my parents anything.
Now I am gong to just be blatant and say that a lot of this will have a religiousconflict. IF you are religious and your main issue with your child having sex is that you want them to wait till marriage, you better get a grip. Teenagers are going to have sex no matter what you teach them.
Continuing on this point but diverting away from the religious topic, yes there is no way for you to stop your teenager from having sex if they want to. Even if you put all the restrictions on them in the world, watch them like a hawk, and are sure you just KNOW your precious little angle would never be caught dead doing the nasty!
Would you stop having sex because your mom didn't approve? Do you really think that before a teenager is about to have sex they are even considering what their mom or dad has told them? Guess what, there are a million places teenagers have sex. Oh you thought it was OK to let them go to a after school function? Oh you thought since it was a walkathon for cancer there was no reason for them not to go? Well turns out because you never gave them a chance to be alone or understand why its gross, they are now having sex in the porta potty next to the football field. This is not a fake story, this is one of the million stories about people having sex wherever they can. That same person, had sex in that porta potty during school hours, so now are you going to home school your kid?
On top of that, what about protection? Are you relying on the schools to tell them about that also? The schools wait way too long if they even do at all to give out any kind of sexual education seminars. Usually that is only one time, ever. So if you don't tell them, or they don't take the time on their own to research it (usually when they are thinking they may need to buy a pregnancy test) the only information they know is what they have been told in one seminar.. and what everyone else has told them. You would not believe the crap that spreads around the school about sex. I had friends using plastic wrap because they didn't have condoms, and were afraid their parents would find them. Well you may not know this, and they didn't either obviously, but plastic wrap has tiny holes in it! You might as well not have used anything.So getting to my point. I am not telling you to constantly sit down and lecture your teens about the practices of safe sex, they don't want that either. Just don't make sex a negative thing, That is all there is to it. If you treat it like a natural act that EVERYONE does, your worries will be cut in half. What would you rather do? Keep your kid under lock and key, but they are STILL having sex, but you just don't know where, with who, and if they are being safe? Now your child is isolated and is afraid to ask you for help if they need it for fear of punishment. OR you could let it be OK and educated them and KNOW you are not going to have that horrible conversation later.. mom.. I'm preg.. And you now have a healthy happy relationship with your kid.
Honesty and communication is what is important in any relationship, why would it be different for your kids. No I don't mean communication like you print out a list of talking points on how to talk to your kid about sex. I mean sit down and talk to them, like they are a person. Tell them what you worry about and what you are thinking, unedited and not thought out.
The only time I ever really listened to my parents was when they talked to me like they were real people. People who mess up just like everyone else, and to take it easy on you because you just want what they want, for them to be happy right?