A Funny Confession Story

I was Catholic.
First communion happens when you are in third grade, and the rule is that you have to go to confession before you can receive communion. Great for me huh? There was a long line of terrified third graders lining the wall of the church. we were all here for our first confession and no one felt prepared. See I didn't do too much research before writing this blog because I want to talk about just what I remember... It sucked.



           There was a certain "protocol" that goes with confession that I wasn't aware of until right before I was rushed to the church. We all panicked and asked around to see who knew what we were supposed to do. Through word of mouth we all figured it was something like, go in sit down say "bless me father for I have sinned, it has been blank since my last confession." then say the "act of contrition," say all your sins, receive your penance and then you are out of there scott free. My problem was I didn't know the "act of contrition" and had about 5 minutes to learn it and memorize it.
                I wasn't too worried until I was switched to another line! Now I was in line for the head priest, the one I had know my entire life, the one I could not stand.
I opened the confession door and I saw the priest hands on his lap, but not his face. I had an option I realized, I could sit behind the screen and he wouldn't see me. I would feel so much better not looking him in the eyes, so I head towards the side with the screen.
If only things were that easy, hes wasn't having any of this "privacy" thing and asked that I sit with him face to face. Ass hole. Glad I can say that now, wish I could have said it then.
My hands were shaking.
         "uh.. father.. bless me.. father. for I uuuhhh.."
I stuttered my way through the first part of the "protocol" just barely.
Now I had to say the act of contrition. I wanted to run out of the room and cry I couldn't remember and I was so afraid of being in trouble. The priest looked at me confused now because I had been staring at the floor for a while now. I just started what I knew..
"omg im sorry for the sins with all my heart..umm.. ya really sorry.."
              The priest had been dealing with kids all day and just seemed more irritated at how long I was taking more than anything. He told me just to tell him all of my sins now and my heart stopped. All I had been thinking about was what to say before I forgot about what to actually say for my sins. I winged it and said as many general things as I could, lying, disobeying, and yelling at my brother and sister. I had a million other thoughts and things I could have said but I just couldn't I was dizzy from being nervous and I just wanted out of that stuffy room. I said my hail marys and our fathers and left.
             If anything I see how the churches uses confession to its advantage in so many ways. The priest gets a parishioners at his weakest moment, he is telling all his secrets. The priest then uses this to convince them that god is their answer, the church, prayer, even the priest. It seemed to me like a good way for the priest to get every single kid alone in that confession room for an undesigned amount of time. Not even jumping on the band wagon that he is going to rape these kids or anything. The thing is parents don't realize is they protect their children from everything that can hurt them, PHYSICALLY. But what about their minds? What about the brain washing and horror stories kids are told from this "sacred" bible. Ya I am not buying it. My kids will know and make their own choices. I will tell them because I still wonder to this day.. Why the HELL didn't anybody save me.  What kind of system says you will burn in hell forever if you even step a toe out of line.. Yet says god is all forgiving and as long as you get that visit in with your priest before you die you will spend forever in heaven?  People believe this crap.  They really do, it worries me some.